My brother Lloyd wants to know how come these product liability warnings weren't around when he was young.

Alcoholic Beverage Liability Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your bra and panties.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees or lower back.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
  
  
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
  
  
• WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode.