Forwarded by my brother, Lloyd Williamson, who also tries to keep the dogs under control - he's not a complete pushover.  See Rules for Dogs.

Rules for Non-Pet Owners

Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. The dog lives here. You don't.
   
   
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
   
   
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
   
   
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter, who is short, hairy walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
   
   
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups (well maybe).

Author unknown