Now that I'm older...

Here's what I've discovered:

• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats have turned into prunes and bran flakes.
• I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
• All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back seat cause... kids.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on knees.
• When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
• It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something, and wonder what I'm here after.
• If all is not lost, then where is it?
• Did I say this already?

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